Easing Back In

Today marks one week since the official CT scan declared I am cancer free, and tomorrow will be three weeks since my last round of chemotherapy.  My hair is slowly prickling back as I inspect the stubble every night hoping for faster progress toward a full head of hair. I think I’m just hoping for faster progress toward everything: strength – normalcy.

If I think of my life as a clock, the cogs have been frozen for the last six months. Cobwebs have made their residences between all the stationary gears as I fought through chemo and cancer. Now, slower than I would like, the gears are snapping the cobwebs and screeching as they once again begin to move.

As I step farther way from March 14th, my body is trying to remember what it felt like to be healthy, and my mind is trying to rewire itself from survival to thriving. My first day back in my classroom is Friday, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to step forward into the new normal. I’m enjoying spending time with my husband and just enjoying each other’s company without him constantly worrying about my health and me pushing my chemo filled body to function properly. Our son is almost six months old, however, I feel he can also sense the change in the last few weeks in my energy and interaction with him.

For the rest of my life, there will always be another blood test and CT scan waiting for me over the horizon. I will be battling my human fear of reoccurrence with my faith and scripture, but I can’t think of that now.  Right now, I need to remain in a place of gratefulness and healing. I need to look toward our future as a family and my future as a cancer-free faith filled wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend/teacher.

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