Valleys and Mountains

It wasn’t until my body was curled into itself and heaved erratically from the grief that I heard the bugle call me out of the valley. It wasn’t until I was standing at the top of a mountain in a celebration that I decided to make an effort to stay out. For the last few […]

Closed Doors

The email came quicker than I expected and shattered the path we planned. After work yesterday, I stayed in bed and slept off sadness from 4pm to 10pm. Around 7, I rolled over to see our two-year-old smiling at me then he fell asleep nose-nuzzled in my hair and toes pressed against my back. Kevin […]

The feelings I Konmari-ed…then let go

With disdain, I threw the single worn gray sock with triangle shaped rubber slip-proof grooves into the black trash bag. It’s been my reaction to anything from that time. There have been countless hilarious memes produced after Marie Kondo’s Netflix show Tidying Up hit the interweb. I have cracked up by myself in the dark […]

Splash of Color

I’m not going to lie – I’ve been looking for the correct picture for this post for over a half-hour, but nothing came close. I’ve also been putting Shiloh back to sleep several times for the last three hours (noisy neighbors, wet pull-up, wet pjs, sweaty, etc.). Very soon, there will be a slew of […]

The Bottom of the Sink

Monday was the first time I’ve seen the bottom of our sink for a while. Kevin and I were both off, and we tackled the dishes and laundry with a renewed fervor. As the laundry happily tumbled with detergent, we turned our Star Wars magnet from “dishes have joined the Dark Side” to “clean the […]

Phantoms

I’ve felt all the pinpricks in the last two weeks, piercing and throbbing from things no longer there. I keep wondering if it’s the way I’ve been sleeping on my side or because we reinstalled the three inch memory foam topper we haven’t used in two years. When I called my oncologist’s office on Monday […]

Kickboxing and Compassion

I don’t know how I got there – well, actually, I do. I’m extremely susceptible to ads and deals. So when my sister-in-law told me there was a coupon for kickboxing classes for $15 for five classes and free pink gloves, I was all over it like a chicken on a bug. I knew I […]

Sisterhood

I grew up in a military family as the eldest of three. While others were playing with Barbies and ribbons, my brothers and I used Daddy’s camcorder, sheets, and plastic lightsabers to make our own version of Star Wars – which is highly embarrassing and the evidence is sitting dormant on a VHS somewhere. In my […]

Nine – On loss and found

As a writer and mother who can no longer have any more, it is my deep grieving responsibility to tell stories. Since the moment I saw the double lines on a pregnancy stick, I’ve encountered incredible women who have pressed on through heartbreaking circumstances. I am every, and all, and none of these women. This is a tribute to […]

How to be Brave – An Apology Letter

We all wrote in the middle of the field. The chilled breeze whipped around cotton sweatshirts, backpacks, and used composition notebooks. I tried to keep the prompts light until after lunch, and I’m still in shock I was crazy enough to take all my classes out. On the senior English writing pilgrimage, students sat among […]