Purple Lines

I try not to get self conscious when my only child smacks his little palms on the pudge like hands lapping water. He smiles because he doesn’t know any better. He smiles because he doesn’t know it makes me cringe. He smiles because he doesn’t know what happened. I realize his eyes have only seen […]

Valleys and Mountains

It wasn’t until my body was curled into itself and heaved erratically from the grief that I heard the bugle call me out of the valley. It wasn’t until I was standing at the top of a mountain in a celebration that I decided to make an effort to stay out. For the last few […]

The feelings I Konmari-ed…then let go

With disdain, I threw the single worn gray sock with triangle shaped rubber slip-proof grooves into the black trash bag. It’s been my reaction to anything from that time. There have been countless hilarious memes produced after Marie Kondo’s Netflix show Tidying Up hit the interweb. I have cracked up by myself in the dark […]

Consuming the Darkness

It had been a while since I’d cried that hard – that honestly. This blog post has been rolling around my mind like a marble clanking on the side of a plastic cup. I sat on the bathroom floor hugging my husband two days before the initial foster care visit with my raw heart exposed […]

Nine – On loss and found

As a writer and mother who can no longer have any more, it is my deep grieving responsibility to tell stories. Since the moment I saw the double lines on a pregnancy stick, I’ve encountered incredible women who have pressed on through heartbreaking circumstances. I am every, and all, and none of these women. This is a tribute to […]

Reset

Two weeks ago I sat in the dark on the floor in my son’s room with my back against his crib. My knees were curled up to my chest as the screen on my phone made figures on the ceiling. My husband’s supporting shoulder was next to mine but all I could feel was the weakness […]

We were Saved from Cancer

There was incessant beeping in the room when I finally opened my eyes. I can’t remember what time it was but the clock on the wall and the setup in the room materialized into the ICU. That, according to the doctor, meant the surgery was complicated. I tried to move but I was connected on […]

Bring Your Son to Work…Semester??

Obvious – I’m pregnant. Infer – You can infer I’m exhausted by the shadows under my eyes. Reveal – When you’re talking to me, I’m trying my best to focus while my son is practicing Taekwondo in my tummy. I walked into work on Monday with exhaustion draped over my shoulders, and I’m sure the dark […]