Phantoms

I’ve felt all the pinpricks in the last two weeks, piercing and throbbing from things no longer there. I keep wondering if it’s the way I’ve been sleeping on my side or because we reinstalled the three inch memory foam topper we haven’t used in two years. When I called my oncologist’s office on Monday […]

A Birthday and an Anniversary

My hand continued to shake from squeezing the last bit of frosting from the plastic sleeve to finish Shiloh’s Cars themed birthday cake’s border. Family whirred around the home with crimson colored Cars 3 themed decorations and the last touches to piping dishes. I didn’t give myself time to think too deeply – guests rolled […]

Collecting Guilt

With everything so hectic with the beginning of teaching, Shiloh going to daycare, and teaching three nights a week, I was burnt out. I could feel myself spinning viciously like a metal top, wobbling just enough to show instability. I toppled over last Friday, curled up in my classroom during lunch because I had no […]

Courage to be Kind

Right now I’m jittery and looking at the clock knowing at some point I will need to sleep – but I don’t want to. I know when I wake up I’ll have to go pick up the two large vanilla flavored containers of barium to chug, hoping I don’t puke so I can get my […]

Kickboxing and Compassion

I don’t know how I got there – well, actually, I do. I’m extremely susceptible to ads and deals. So when my sister-in-law told me there was a coupon for kickboxing classes for $15 for five classes and free pink gloves, I was all over it like a chicken on a bug. I knew I […]

Saying my Peace: 4th of July

Today was one of the first days since diagnosis and treatment that I was able to relax at home with Shiloh, Luna, and the cats. We vacuumed and played with cars and ate scrambled eggs with a side of marshmallows-only from the Lucky Charm’s box. I didn’t have any assignments due for my creative writing […]

Delayed Response – Reasons

I already prepped myself just in case. I got my blood drawn for the Myriad genetic testing lab to see if my cells had a predisposition for cancer – mostly checking for BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 mutations. I chatted with the tech as she pulled out a fancy bright orange box in shrinkwrap. As […]

Consuming the Darkness

It had been a while since I’d cried that hard – that honestly. This blog post has been rolling around my mind like a marble clanking on the side of a plastic cup. I sat on the bathroom floor hugging my husband two days before the initial foster care visit with my raw heart exposed […]

Sisterhood

I grew up in a military family as the eldest of three. While others were playing with Barbies and ribbons, my brothers and I used Daddy’s camcorder, sheets, and plastic lightsabers to make our own version of Star Wars – which is highly embarrassing¬†and the evidence is sitting dormant on a VHS somewhere. In my […]

Circus Monkeys

Somedays, I feel like the ringmaster standing center stage and directing all the monkeys and tigers with a scarlet baton.¬† I wave the directions towards hoops and stages, then bow when the show is over without a hitch as the crowd cheers for an encore. Then there are days like Friday, when I am not […]