I am NOT a number 

It’s CT scan time to confirm the cancer didn’t come back from my last one which confirmed I’m cancer free in March. The mocha flavored barium is swirling in my stomach where coffee usually sits at this time of day. I choked it down as I sat on the bathroom floor this morning since I puked some up onto my lap and into a hand towel. Kevin said I should’ve just stopped trying to drink it, but I’m determined not to be trapped on any bathroom floor every again. 

I should be standing in my classroom with my crazy students, instead, I try to make the receptionists laugh to shake off nerves and fear. I’m waiting for this lady to call my name. She’s the same person who did my last CT scan, and I’m not worried because I know her IV needle is painless. 

The scan will tell me I can continue to live my life normally and will let them take my mediport out of my chest – the last remnant of my fight with cancer. I want it out.

Statistics say 90-95% of stage IV Ovarian Cancer survivors have a fatal reoccurrence at the 6 month mark. The numbers also say I have a 17% chance to make it to my son’s 5th birthday. 


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