Romance in Marriage Looks Different

Yesterday, I peeled myself out of my car after having a fairly satisfying day at work. Getting back into the teaching groove was a bit difficult but I finally felt like I was back in a rhythm. The thirty-five minute commute back home seemed like a blink, and as I greeted our cats and walked through the door, I noticed something was different about the house. Slipping my shoes off into the growing work-shoe pile, my feet sunk into the freshly vacuumed floor. There were elegant grooves pressed into the carpet where my husband had vacuumed the living room after I left at 6:30AM but before he left for work.

Vacuuming was the single most romantic thing my husband could’ve done for me that day. 

Sometimes I reminisce about how different romantic gestures were in our six years prior to marriage. There was going out for dinner every time we saw each other, bundles of fresh cut flowers adorning my apartment consistently, sharing ice cream and straws, date excursions to romantic venues, and being in the closest physical proximity as possible – as if we were trying to soak up every ounce of each other’s essence while we could see each other.

People told us that you never know about marriage until you’re married – that everything changes. Begrudgingly, I admit defeat. They were right – or at least right about how your definition of romance is redefined – among other things.

To be clear, I firmly believe both husband and wife should continue to pursue each other daily. Everyday you change as individuals and together. You’ve agreed to pursue each other’s interests and learn about your spouse for life.

That being said, I love the occasional flower surprises and weekend excursions, but what I love more is doing life with my husband.

I appreciate when he takes the plates after dinner to rinse them so I don’t have to get up. He appreciates when I remember to grab him Oreos from the grocery store while shopping  or making sure his favorite shirt got in the washer. When he offers to let me go upstairs first and says he’ll bring up the rest of the bags in the trunk, it makes me realize how much our relationship has not only changed but also grown. These are not menial domestic tasks – while I can see how through a certain lens or life stage that some may think that; these are our love languages which have transformed on the other side of jumping the broom.

I am not immune to sporadic romantic gestures  – but the daily romantic gestures we try to practice are worth so much more.

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