Unexpected Pregnancy Expenses

I don’t think I’ve blogged as much during this pregnancy because I didn’t want to seem to be whining [and I’m on summer break from teaching] – because in reality – growing another human is hard! It’s not just shoving six boxes of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls into your pie hole and waddling to the bathroom to pee…again. It’s watching blue veins surface all over your body like indigo tree roots, trying to paint your toe nails and shave your legs while you still can, and getting shocked when you wake up because your dream-self seldom remembers you’re six months pregnant.

Among the wonderful, gross, and surprising things happening to my body as my son continues to grow, I’ve also noticed some household and grocery items either running out quicker than they used to or becoming more expensive.

Here are the top three unexpected pregnancy expenses that have gone up in our household as we transition from two to three:

  1. Charmin Ultra Soft

This is the most stereotypical. When people think of pregnant women, many think of bulging bellies and squished bladders. I’ve only recently noticed this increase in use. The first time was when we went to BJs Wholesale to get a large bunch of toilet paper about a month earlier than we used to. It’s easy to keep track of the little things when it’s just the two of you. But, last night as I settled on the toilet for the fourth time to empty my bladder at 4:40AM, I made yet another tug of Charmin Ultra Soft off the the cardboard tube. Ugh.I tossed the tube into the cardboard graveyard of a waste basket next to the commode.

2. Vaseline Intensive Care Cocoa Radiant Lotion

Google Images is a wonderful place to seriously become disillusioned or disturbed. If you Google pregnancy, you may get models who have photoshopped bellies for a parenting magazine or frightening pictures of extreme cases of stretch marks – not to mention if you actually use the search terms “pregnancy stretch marks”. Living in a Google-era, of course I’ve done these already, even when we were four weeks pregnant. I wanted to make sure my skin was as moist as possible to minimize stretchmarks. After having a rash with the Burt’s Bees Belly Butter, which made my growing tummy look like I had chicken pox, I used the lotion I’ve always used figuring it would do just the trick. What used to look so cute as I lotioned my tummy at three months, now looks more like a turkey buttering ritual I practice twice a day. I mean, I slather that stuff on, caking the lotion thicker than the frosting on a Cinnabon. Needless to say, the lotion bottle is not lasting as long as it used to.

3. State Fair Classic Corn Dogs

A few nights ago, we finally settled into bed. I already finished crocheting for the night, which usually helps me sleep, and Kevin finished reading. As I rolled over toward Kevin, him probably believing I was going to tell him a funny story or to talk about baby, I felt a very specific hunger pang from our son. “I think I want a corn dog.” He laughed at me but then my expression became serious, “I think I really really need it or I won’t be able to sleep. I feel like I’ll die without it.” It was a little melodramatic but it’s how my body felt. I received a confirmation kick from our son and thankfully the grocery story was open until midnight – I knew this and apparently so did our son. Kevin shot up out of bed and asked if I wanted him to go get it for me. “Nope,” I said and also peeled myself out of bed, “I need you to get the right corn dogs in the blue box. If you get another brand, I won’t eat it.” So off we went to Giant at 11PM to buy the State Fair Classic Corn Dogs, which tasted so delicious when we got home but gave us the burps. This is just one of the many instances where I’ve craved a very specific type and brand of food – and it cannot be anything else or I can’t eat it. These unexpected specific cravings have boosted our grocery and eating out bill a bit.


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